Woohoo! With the end of the dark tunnel called 'Finals' comes the glorious light of the summer break, and all the students rejoice! After a while, the truth sinks in that we're blessedly bumming and after that, we get over it...well at least some of us do.

while the more grown-up among us begin to look for stuff to do and make good use of the time, some of us just can't seem to get a move on. yep, me included. Ai, my energy level seems to be as high as the very moment i turned in my last exam for the sem. i might still sound like a jibbering idiot! but if you can listen intently, beyond my blubbering is the sound of the loud buzz in my head.

can anyone relate? i mean, imagine walking around for a loooong time, wouldn't you welcome a seat & stay there till your legs are rested? my sem was a total walk-to-not-remember in the park, math and physics to the next level (and that wasn't all i had to do! and i'm as fast as maple syrup when it comes to processing numbers pa naman. ugh, i die!). so naturally, when it's over, i was hysterically happy i could defy gravity! and so everything fun that i hadn't been able to do because of all the work that had to be done during the sem, i started doing again and oh, it was bliss... until today.

ever wanted to do something done right so much that at one point, you'd try the exact opposite of what you've been doing? imagine how annoying it'd be if you still fail at it even after then. i've been trying to keep myself disciplined during the sem when it came to studying the subjects i hated the most, and for some reason, i fail to see how much i've succeeded in following God's orders to be a good student. now that school's out, being a good student's temporarily not applicable so i can do the total opposite, bum hard. no such thing as a  being a 'good bum' that i can glorify God with... so now what? not knowing what to do but having an inkling that what i'm doing right now ain't right,i'm still failing at following God's orders even with going with the total opposite of what i've done during the sem. and i look back at how the sem ended... what had i been having a fiesta about?

one thing's for certain, following God's idea of a good summer takes God-sized discipline. for sure, you have to hold still first before things like discipline can sink in. sucks that that buzzing in my head hasn't faded yet.

but i want it gone!

i wanna follow Him now!

ahhh, but He's got it scheduled. He's already figured out when He wants the buzzing to end... and i don't have to know until it's time.

somehow, knowing that's supposed to keep me sane & un-frustrated. I guess that if He wants me to make do with what He's giving me now, I'll just work on following gladly. anyway, i realize that it's not my comfort while i'm following that i should be worried about, it's that i get to do it His way at all.

maybe, just maybe, i can get over my hysterics now. a little stillness helps to clear my head when i'm sabaw-ing with friends, when i'm wasting time in games, when i feel odd with what i'm doing in general. I'm keeping my eys on the Christ and that's all that matters, even with the buzzing & irrationality of my happiness at summer break